Tayuyo

Ya hace rato que no escribo algo aqui. Ya tenia pensado hacerlo en estos dias, y como acabo de escribir una entrada en mi otro blog con respecto al “porque”, lo voy a compartir aqui también.

Primariamente, lo escribí en inglés porque sentí que podía expresar mejor mis pensamientos en ese idioma. No se porque, pero asi fue; y como la verdad no me siento como para traducirlo, aqui lo pongo tal y como lo escribí en ese idioma.

Y aunque un “poco” tarde, de corazón les deseo Un Felíz Año Nuevo, muchos exitos, prosperidad y salud para ustedes y sus seres queridos.

Le Mish.

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It’s been awhile

It’s been awhile since I last posted something here. I was thinking to post something on January 1st, but I really didn’t feel like it. Then, I remembered something that Muse has on her blog: “blogging without obligation,” so I took my time.

I’ve been putting myself together and strenghting some aspects of my life after getting the worst depression ever. Last December, I hit the bottom of such dark pit and I seemed to not being able to get out of there… maybe I didn’t want to get out of there.

Last December I exploded. I couldn’t contain any longer the anger, frustration, sadness that have been accumulating for 6 months. I couldn’t contain those feelings I thought I didn’t have any more. I didn’t want to keep living, and thought that God took to Him the “wrong” person; I thought that it should’ve been me who had to go first. Yes, my brother’s passing has been the most painful experience I’ve had in my entire life. As I write this tears are rolling down my face.

But it’s different now. Really.

You see, I’ve always wanted to buy a gun, a Beretta 92FS to be exact. I really like that pistol, but for some reason I never got to buying one. I thank God I never did… or last December I would’ve used it on me. Really.

On the 25th, I wasn’t feeling like doing anything… just wanted to sleep, watch some TV, play a game and do nothing more. Then, all of a sudden, I wanted to watch a movie. I thought: “let’s watch an action movie,” and I headed to the living room…

When I last saw my brother last year, we went to a bookstore because he wanted to buy a book, then he saw this book and said to me: “bro. you should read this book, it’s really good.” Of course, I bought it but honestly never got to read it past the first 4 pages. I though, I’ll read it as soon as I finish reading Splinter Cell: Fallout.

A few weeks (or months – I can’t recall exactly), my mom found the DVD version of this book. She bought it for me, and I thought to myself: “I’ll watch it later.” But never did.

Well, the night of the 25th, while browsing through my movie collection trying to find the action movie I wanted to see, I found the DVD version of the book my brother recommended me. I’m talking about The Secret. I grabbed it and headed back to my room to watch it.

I feel as if my brother knew how I was feeling and he put the movie right there for me to watch.

I’m a slow reader, so I’m grateful that a DVD version exists. It turned my life 180 degrees. It was as if a rope was handed to me to get out of the hole where I was stuck and from which it seemed I would never get out.

I now see life differently. Before my brother’s passing, I was afraid of death. After his passing, I wanted to die; but now, I’m not afraid nor I want to die, but I welcome it.

I’m picking my goals and dreams up again. If I’m able to accomplish them, awesome; but if I leave this world before I accomplish them… that’s awesome too.

By reading this, you might think I live in a constant gloomy mood or something like that. Far from it. I laugh more, I go out more… I’m enjoying my life more. I appreciate the things I have and I’m grateful for them. I’m happy.

If truth be told, it hasn’t been easy learning how to control and suppress negative feelings (i.e. sadness, anger, etc.) but one step forward is always better than staying static. Sometimes, I still stumble and let those feelings take over me, but I’m able to dissipate them quicker than before. Every day, I’m able to control those emotions better and I’m happy for that.

Life is beautiful, and I’m grateful for it. There will always be bumps and obstacles along the way, but I won’t let them stop me no matter what.

This is what I wanted to share with you today.

Allow me to wish you a belated Happy New Year, and lots of success in everything you do. I wish you health and prosperity.

Thanks for reading.